Lessons from Dragonflies

Yesterday, a dragonfly flew through the window into my classroom.

 

I’ve always liked dragonflies and thought of them as sort of mystical creatures, so I didn’t understand why my entire classroom of 30 students erupted into hysteria at its appearance. As it buzzed across the ceiling, occasionally dipping down near students’ heads, the girls screamed bloody murder like it was going in for the kill. Do dragonflies even have teeth? I’d like to think they are some of the most harmless bugs in existence, but there would be no semblance of order until this dragonfly situation was addressed. I wanted to usher it out the window but, before I could, my coteacher took a large stick and whacked it. It fell to the floor with an audible thud and landed motionless, dead.

 

A girl I knew, Joey, had an affinity for dragonflies. How sad she would be! But yesterday was also the day that Joey died.

 

I had met Joey a handful of times as she was a friend of a friend. I knew about her diagnosis with a rare form of ovarian cancer last year and had followed her journey online and through friends. A few months ago she was dealt the blow of a 1% chance; her doctors told her to get her affairs in order. I continued to see pictures posted of her out to dinner with friends, attending weddings, and seemingly living a full and active life, and I wondered if she had found a way to beat the odds. I’m a firm believer in the power of positive energy and she seemed to have plenty of it to spare. But this morning I awoke to the news that it hadn’t been enough.

 

It is inevitably shocking when someone you know passes away. But when it is not someone immediately close to you, and you are not wracked with personal grief, it offers the opportunity for a different set of emotions. You still feel sad for her loved ones that had to say goodbye and must live on without her; angry that cancer is so indiscriminate about who it takes; fearful at facing the reality that life can be far too short for anyone, even you. More than anything, however, the situation begs you to take a cold hard look at your own life and reflect on the way you’re living. How might you feel if given only months to live?

Faced with this, many people might say they’re going to make changes. They might vow to “live in the moment” and do all the things they’ve always wanted to do. There are plenty of cliche pop songs (that I admittedly rock out to) that advocate you to “live like you’re dying” and movies made about “bucket lists”. But as I began to ponder what I would change if I learned my life would be over soon, I came to an amazing realization: I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

I’m not saying that I have everything I want in life or that I’ve achieved all my dreams–in fact that’s quite far from the truth. My life is anything but perfect (I often think it’s just a big joke), and I struggle with my own demons nearly every day. But the discovery I’ve made about living a life with no regrets is to focus on small, attainable goals and feel proud of myself at the end of each day for the progress I’ve made. Do I have the super fit body I dream of flaunting? No, but I worked out today and made smart eating choices. Am I a successful writer for the National Geographic? Ha! No, but I studied photography today and put time into a thoughtful blog post.

 

It seems to me that life is a collection of moments and decisions that add up to the big picture, like a mosaic. The only way to truly live a regret free life is to do the best you can in each situation you are faced with and have faith in the decisions you make. I spent five years loving a man who walked away in the end, but I don’t regret it or wish the relationship hadn’t happened–I learned a great deal about myself from the heartbreak and still cherish the memories of the good times. I left a good job, close friends, and a lifestyle I loved to work a job that sometimes leaves me in tears in a place that often drives me insane , but I would never take back the decision to do it. Each choice I’ve made has led to new experiences that have shaped who I am today.

 

There may be hiccups along the way and at times it can be easy to fall into the trap of saying, “I should’ve done this instead”. But, the truth is, hindsight may be 20/20 but our lives only move in a forward direction. I choose to learn from each experience, to make the smartest decision I can at the time, and to acknowledge that, even when I feel like I am one big hot mess of a girl, I am doing my best. I may not have a 401K or a house or children or many of the things some say I ought to have by now, but I am living life on my own terms and I am proud of that.

 

I didn’t know Joey well but she seemed like she viewed life in a similar way and always tried to live in the moment. Let her life be an opportunity for us to reflect on our own and strive to live a more joyful and regret-free existence. . . because life is sometimes shorter than we expected.

So the next time you see a dragonfly, take a moment to smile and feel proud of the amazing life you are living.

The Dragon-fly

By Alfred Lord Tennyson

Today I saw the dragon-fly

Come from the wells where he did lie.

An inner impulse rent the veil

Of his old husk: from head to tail

Came out clear plates of sapphire mail.

He dried his wings: like gauze they grew;

Thro’ crofts and pastures wet with dew

A living flash of light he flew.